I once heard it said that disappointments come from unfulfilled expectations.  It is rather stating the obvious isn't it?  If you examine that statement in a little more detail there are some valuable things that you can take from it.  I find the word 'dissapointed' to be quite an emotive word.  I wonder if you can remember the feeling when a parent or teacher told you that they were disappointed in you?  I can certainly remember feeling the weight of those words when I arrived back at school one day in a police car with 2 friends.  We had decided to take the afternoon off, rid ourselves of our school ties and head into the town centre, and I believe we also lit a cigarette along the way.  We were after all 15 years old and knew what we were doing.  One of the female police officers who apprehended us en route,reminded us that we were wasting good tax payers money, inluding hers, by playing truant.  We were met in the main entrance hall of the school by the deputy head.  I was one of his favoured pupils up until that point.  I had been a model student.  When he told me that he was disappointed with my behaviour, I remember feeling a heaviness, the likes of which I had not experienced in a long time.

The feeling of course was that I had let somebody down.   It was as though a divide had been crossed that could never be again bridged.  Why?, because I altered a perception that somebody was holding of me.  What could I have been responsible for?  Well for starters, preserving my good name and of course not putting myself in a risky situation would have been a good choice. 

If you stand in the shoes of the deputy head, you will no doubt notice something different.  Whilst he could not have controlled the outcome of what just happened in that incident, he certainly could influence the improbability of me ever doing that again.  He also controlled my emotional state as he knew that I was somebody who liked to please others.  He also probably reflected on his years of teaching and realised that teenagers like to get into trouble from time to time.

When you are dealing with your own disappointment it is helpful to get very clear about what is fact and what is fiction.  If you don't get what you want, you might want to examine if your expectations were realistic in the first place.  Did somebody categorically agree that they would do something when they said they would?  Did they agree a time frame by when it would happen?  Is it really a wish on your part or can you control the outcome?  If you can't then you need to find a way of letting go.  Sometimes not getting want you want, or what you thought you would get, is a valuable lesson about dealing with facts and being responsible for the outcome, or to put it simply, your ability to respond.